20181018 西安 大风 今天的主题是寂寞

早上醒来微信和短信一堆信息。
突然想探一口气,这是有多寂寞的人,没有一个人理财,所有的未读信息都是公众号推送和广告短信;
迫不及待的去扎到人堆里,去上课,去学习。然而老师讲的并不精彩,这个很头痛,让我无法投入。
尤其是写了半天的课堂笔记,被我无聊的用onenote同步印象笔记,给同步没有了。
这个多少让我有些懊丧,或者说非常不高兴。尤其是看着同学们,其实没感觉他们有多出色,跟我一样是为了上课而上课。当初来的时候,感觉跟高大上的人在一起涨涨见识,但是也许是这些同学太优秀了,都很内敛,所以骨子里反而是觉得他们跟我长见识,说实话,这个其实仅仅证明的是我的肤浅。
但愿是这样吧。
同学们下了课比上课还精神,酒桌上开始推杯换盏,各种恰同学少年,各种煽情,我提不起劲头,在这种场合里,我反而希望寂寞,最好让大家看不到我,那是最好。趁着他们8点左右开始准备换第二战场,我自己溜了出来,貌似只有我自己定在外边的酒店,赶回酒店,享受泳池,一副认真的样子,其实感觉自己也没多累,就是为了走这个流程,号称戒掉了饮料,但是昨天和今天还是破戒喝了两罐,一直幻想自己能够换一个健美的样子出现在别人的面前,不在为这些糖尿,血脂,脂肪肝而烦恼,但是感觉这个应该就只能是幻想。
反正我也未必多在乎跟人的沟通,躲在角落里,害怕寂寞却也同时享受着自己的寂寞。


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Austin[2019-10-17 11:36 PM | | Mail To:austinwaugh@gmail.com | 103.204.110.136 | del | 回复回复]
5#
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4#
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